Anthony & Aryanna's Story From the Beginning: Our Journey Through Infertility

Anthony and Aryanna’s story started long before their premature birth or their summer-long NICU stay.  God started writing their story before we ever knew, but it started playing out in our lives 3 years ago when Jose and I started trying to have a family.  If there was one thing we knew, it was that we wanted kids.  We went through a long year of disappointment as month after month we weren’t getting pregnant.  Of course by that point everyone was asking when were going to have kids (that’s the natural chain of events after you get married, right?)  No one meant any harm, but every time someone asked it was another reminder that we didn’t have the baby we were hoping for. After a year with no luck we were referred to a fertility doctor and all the testing began:  bloodwork on this day, wait a month for more bloodwork on another specific day (and on and on), ultrasound, x-ray, etc, etc.  The result of all that testing?  I had endometriosis.  I had to have laparoscopic surgery and during the surgery the doctor discovered that I had a fairly severe case.  He did what he could to clear it up, but some of it he just had to leave alone for my safety.  

Even though the surgery wasn’t a huge success, we continued to pray for miracles.  That year our church was reading through Mark during Lent.  On a trip to Boone to visit my family Jose and I were reading through Mark 1 on our iPod.  He was driving and I began to read the following passage out loud:

A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said. Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!”  Instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed.
-Mark 1:40-42

As I read, I began to weep and cry out, “Jesus, if you’re willing, you can heal me too.”  My wonderful husband comforted me and assured me that God wouldn’t leave us childless and that one way or another He would bless us with children.  We talked about the testimony that God would give us through this whole journey and that we would share it for His glory.  After comforting me Jose asked me to read the passage again, but to continue on this time:

Then Jesus sent him on his way with a stern warning: “Don’t tell anyone about this. Instead, go to the priest and let him examine you. Take along the offering required in the law of Moses for those who have been healed of leprosy. This will be a public testimony that you have been cleansed.”
-Mark 1:43-44

Wow!  What comfort that brought us that God was going to give us a testimony through all of this.  It gave us hope when all we’d faced so far was disappointment, doubt, and difficult moments.  We’d faced friend after friend announcing their pregnancies.  I was happy for them, but most of them didn’t know what we were going through.  I had to go to work every day and see pregnant teenagers (how fair is that?) People made insensitive comments.  They didn’t mean to, but they also didn’t know what we were going through.  We had checked into adoption because both of us have always wanted to adopt.  Jose volunteered with an orphanage in Bolivia for years and I did an internship at an orphanage in Mexico for two semesters, so we have seen first-hand the need.  We went to a meeting to find out more about adoption, but left feeling like that wasn’t an option at that point.  Domestic adoption can be a long wait and both domestic and international adoption  are very expensive.  We decided that adoption would be better left until we could spend a significant amount of time in Bolivia and adopt there.  After going through so many struggles, this confirmation that God was going to give us a testimony gave us strength to continue on.

However, after more months of disappointment, I started to become bitter (we were going on 2 years of infertility by this point).  I remember asking God on more than one occasion, “What kind of testimony is this?  You’re not giving us a story to share!  NOTHING has happened.”  I bounced back and forth between this bitterness and trusting God. This journey was getting long and hard.

About 6 months after my surgery it became apparent that the surgery hadn’t worked, but the good news was that we were good candidates for IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) and my insurance would cover it.  We were excited to get the process started that summer, but then we were faced with more disappointment.  Because of various factors the timing wasn’t going to work out (it’s a process that takes a few months) and we would have to wait until the fall to start IVF.  After 2 years of waiting we were frustrated to wait even more.  Of course now on the other side of it I see God’s perfect timing in this so that I could be with my babies in the hospital during my summer off and so that he could continue to work on my heart.

We began to open up to more people about our journey through infertility.  It’s one of those things that people don’t really talk about and while we knew a few people who had struggled with infertility (they were a great encouragement and comfort to us), we didn’t know anyone who had gone through IVF.  Even though we didn’t know anyone who had been through this process, it was so comforting to open up to people and allow them to pray for us.  Our friends, family, and small group prayed for us more times than I can count.  We also shared with our youth group our desire to have a child.  If you want to be humbled, ask some teenagers to pray for you.  I cannot tell you the power of their prayers.

As fall approached, so did our church’s annual women’s retreat.  My friend, Becky, asked if I would be willing to lead a break-out session with her and share my story.  The title of the session was “Freedom to Hope, Even When the Wait is Long” and she wanted me to share because I was still in the midst of waiting.  I agreed and on my way home that day it hit me:  “That’s our testimony.  God is good, even when we’re not on the other side of the pain and we don’t know how it will all work out.”  It’s easy to stand up and say that God is good when everything has worked out, but to say it when you don’t know what lies ahead of you, that’s powerful.  So as we had just started IVF and didn’t know if it would work, that’s what I shared:  God is good, whether the IVF works or not.  We clung to that knowledge of his character and knew that he had good plans for us, even if we didn’t know yet what those plans were.

A couple of months later we found out the IVF was a success and we were having TWINS!  We were on cloud nine.  The next several months were 

Anthony & Aryanna as embryos.
Can you tell who's who?!

blissful and filled with glowing reports from the doctor.  Everything looked great!  As you know by now, things took a turn for the worst as things went from great to delivering our sweet babies 11 weeks too early.  Now that Anthony and Aryanna have made their early entrance into the world, we face uncertainty again.  Will their premature birth affect them later in life? How will Anthony be affected by the severe brain bleed he suffered and the resulting swelling?  Will I go into pre-term labor when we have more kids?  Last Sunday as we worshipped, God reminded me again of the testimony I had shared last fall as we sang these lines from “Desert Song” by Hillsong:


This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on his promise I'll stand

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

I wept as we sang these lines and I was reminded that God is good, even in the midst of the battle “when triumph is still on its way” and all of our questions don’t have answers.  We will praise God for the gift of our children and trust his good plans for them as He carries us.  Even in this season we have a reason to sing because He is still God and He is good.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
-Jeremiah 29:11